New Seniors » Family

Innocence lost

a NewSeniors contributor — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 13:39:51 +0000

The talk these days is concentrated on Medicare and Social Security and how changes will affect the New Seniors population. We must not forget the other end of the age spectrum: our youngsters. They have no voice in the political debate and no dollars in the game, but what we are doing to them will have long lasting consequences.

The biggest culprit is the education system. America spends more money per student and gets the worst return on this vital investment, because education is a political football with special interest groups coming first and teaching our youth is a distant second. There never seems to be enough money to do the job schools are supposed to do.

What happened to the school money from the bonds voted on at the state and local levels? The dollars generated from cigarette taxes? The portion of sales taxes that was for education? Or, the educational windfalls that state lotteries were going to provide. How are these things working out in your state? In the meantime, charter schools and other school system refinements are blocked by unions and their political lap dogs.

In spite of a noticeable lack of academic improvement, there are lots of additions to the rules and regulations being imposed on schools. Current curriculums are under attack. The rewriting of history is an ongoing battle at all grade levels. Parents are also concerned that younger students are being exposed to sexual orientation education. In one California school district, gender diversity is now being taught to first graders.

No longer are parents the ones to decide when it is appropriate to discuss sex with their children and how they want to form the conversation. The schools, with the support of the teachers’ unions, are leading the way to determine what is said and when this kind of information will be instilled in the minds of children.

Any attempt to stop this kind of indoctrination is quickly met with cries that homophobic groups and ill-informed parents are harming children and causing disharmony in the classroom and bullying outside the school. Of course, the PC (politically correct) police are on the scene to point fingers at anyone who balks at this subject matter being taught to kids, even at the elementary school level. Activist judges and supportive media outlets work in concert to jam these changes into school curriculums now and forever.

Young minds are sponge-like and have yet to develop the ability to discern. Learning what is right and wrong, what is and is not actable behavior as well as determining moral and other values is the responsibility of the parents.

Knowledge of social behavior should be imparted by teachers who also demonstrate and monitor the application of these necessary skills within the school community. However, the schools are usurping the parents’ authority by making unilateral decisions about teaching debatable subjects. After all, is it not reasonable for parents to be the ones to decide when their children have come of age to lose their innocence?

Do you know the story behind Mothers Day?

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Fri, 06 May 2011 00:51:14 +0000

If you think Mother’s Day was created by florists, jewelers or the greeting card industry for the purpose of selling their wares, think again. This special day of commemoration is celebrated in countries throughout the world. Its roots can be traced back to ancient times, yet Mother’s Day is as modern as today.

This day has its roots in ancient Egypt, where the goddess Isis was hailed as the mother of the pharaohs. This tradition moved on to Greece and Rome. The holiday later surfaced in Europe and was celebrated as part of Lent honoring the “Mother Church.”

About 500 years ago, a church leader in England extended the celebration to honor real mothers. The name adopted for this event, still held during the Lenten season, was “Mothering Day.” Family feasts were the order of the day and Lenten restrictions were permitted to be put aside for the celebration. Mothers, as the guest of honor, received cakes and gifts from children young and old on this special occasion.

While the earlier settlers brought the English tradition of Mothering Day with them, they were not inclined to celebrate secular holidays. It was not until 1870 that what has evolved into the American version of Mother’s Day was proclaimed. The person behind this was Julia Ward Howe. She wrote “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” 12 years earlier and saw an opportunity to enlist mothers in a cause to end future wars and the deaths of mother’s sons.

In 1873, fewer than 20 cities had established groups that celebrated the new Mother’s holiday every June 2nd. Howe paid for most of the festivities and support dwindled when she stopped paying the bills. One West Virginia woman, Anna Reeves Jarvis, believed in the concept enough to bring together union and confederate families in an effort to mend the divide caused by the Civil War. She called it “Mother’s Friendship Day.”

After her mother’s death, Anna M. Jarvis assumed the work to establish an official Mother’s Day in remembrance of her mother and in honor of peace. On May 10, 1908, the first official Mather’s Day celebration took place at a church in Grafton, West Virginia and another in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. By the next year churches in 46 states as well as Canada and Mexico held Mother’s Day services.

Working endlessly to gain state support, Anna Jarvis was able to convince legislators to recognize Mother’s Day. In 1912, West Virginia became the first state to do so. In 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed into law the national observance of the celebration making the second Sunday in May the official date for Mother’s Day.

Anna Jarvis was against the commercialization of Mother’s Day. In 1923 she sued to stop the event and was arrested in the 1930s for protesting the promotion of flowers in conjunction with the Mother’s Day movement. Anna died poor, blind and childless in 1948, never knowing the Florist’s Exchange anonymously paid for her care until the end.

Sports, the teacher of life’s lessons

a NewSeniors contributor — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 01:50:12 +0000

I was an enthusiastic participant in sports for much of my life. Practicing for hours. Pick up games. Organized leagues. Varsity teams. I loved playing. I also learned to love being a spectator. Watching my children play was fun, but seeing the grand kids take part in athletics is a special joy.

Sports is a proven way for youngsters to build their bodies, develop hand-eye coordination and discipline young minds. More important, nothing prepares participants for life better than sports. .

Team sports show them how to be part of something bigger than themselves and that the role they play has an effect on the team’s success. As a pre-boomer, I can remember a football coach from a long time ago who used to stress there’s no “I” in “T-E-A-M.” A team also teaches kids how to relate with others and share the good times as well as the bad. Winning and losing is part of life as is the competition for a certain position. Even the beginners know how they’re doing versus the other kids; and while they officially don’t keep score, every team member knows exactly what the score is. And this becomes more important as they progress, just like life.

Individual sports provide somewhat different lessons. In activities such as swimming, track and field, or gymnastics kids get to compete with themselves. They improve their personal best efforts by reaching inside themselves to out do what they did in the past. It’s a great way to achieve self-esteem. And, there are the elements of team sports in these endeavors as well. Being part of a relay is a team effort, and the combined performances determines who won the match.

Consoling and congratulating one another is a big part of the team culture. And, gaining recognition (not always positive) from the coach prepares the youngsters for a relationship with their bossed when they go out into the world.

Are you involved in the sports activities of your grandchildren? If not, you don’t know what your missing. Believe me, nothing will melt your heart faster than having them look over at you seating in the stands in a way that says, “I’m glad you’re here for me.”

God’s greatest gift…

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 07:00:10 +0000

A relationship with another human being is the greatest gift we can receive. Yet, it’s so easy to take for granted. I know because, it took many years before I was willing to look at my faults and work on them. Only then did I start to experience the joy of just being with another person rather than in control of them.

My revelation may not resonate with those who have never been so self-obsessed to think they were the center of the universe. But if you spent much of your life being self-centered and selfish, you know what I’m talking about. And if you’re still having difficulties with these issues, don’t give up. I didn’t start to let go until five years ago, and I’m seventy-two now. Guess it’s never too late to teach an old dog new tricks, even a pre-boomer like me.

I worked my way up in the business world and became the head of a prominent company. The road to the top required me to manage people, which I interpreted to mean control them. Since so much time was spent pursuing my career, my personal life was treated much like an extension of the business. It was all about me. I set the goals, developed the game plan, and oversaw its implementation. There was not a great deal of interaction, and I felt very much alone – but I wouldn’t admit this disturbing fact to anyone.

When I retired in 2003, there was a void in my life. I had become the business, yet I was no longer part of it. With time on my hands, thanks to a non-compete and other restrictions, I took a look at the man I had become. Not pleased with that, I considered the man I would like to be. It’s been an interesting journey, a trip that was not always easy; but I can look back and see the progress I made in building new relationships and rebuilding old ones.

Becoming aware of my defects, understanding them, letting go of resentments, and taking positive actions have produced results. I am a happier man, and most people will agree that I’m easier to be around. And because I usually don’t try to run the show, it’s enjoyable to seat back and let life unfold. But the real blessing is I appreciate being with family and friends just because they’re there.

What a gift.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful family holiday

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 16:32:10 +0000

Pre-boomers were taught the first Thanksgivings was a day of gratitude expressed by the early settlers nearly 400 years ago in Plymouth, Massachusetts. The pilgrims thanked God for delivering them to the new world where they could live free of religious persecution, for surviving the first year, and for the harvest to sustain them in the winter months ahead. We also learned they shared food with the local Native Americans.

This national holiday has become a secular celebration of parades, football games, and overeating with the next day marking the official start of the Christmas shopping season, overshadowing its true roots. However, most pre-boomers have seen and remember Norman Rockwell’s series of Thanksgiving paintings which appeared in “The Saturday Evening Post” during the war years of the 1940s. The warm feelings we get when exposed to those magazine covers remains with us to this day.

The Thanksgivings of my childhood remain vivid in my mind. As a young child it was the Gimbel’s Parade in downtown Philadelphia. Later the football games took up the morning. Then it was home from college for the long weekend. And later it was the quick train rides from Manhattan to get there in time for the mid-afternoon dinner. Then, many years past before the family got together again. The kids had grown and the first grandchild had arrived before my parents finally moved to the West Coast, after years of prodding. So they were able to enjoy the day each year with all of us and we with them before they passed on a few years back. For this I am most grateful.

I have fond memories of Thanksgivings past and am fortunate to have family close by, so we can enjoy this day together each year. In fact, recently the family took a cruise over the holiday: grandparents, adult children and their spouses as well as the grandkids. It was different and lots of fun, but I missed the “home cooking.”

No matter were you are or who you’re with this Thanksgiving, try to recall those magical days gone by when you woke to the alluring aroma of the turkey roasting in the oven. Be quiet and you can almost here your mom and maybe grandma and your aunts talking as they worked for hours to prepare this family feast. And, even though you were shooed out of the kitchen, you managed to catch a glimpse of the vast array of food to be served and knew this day would be good.

Of course, we ate leftovers for days to come: turkey platters, turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey ala king, turkey hash and turkey croquettes. Nobody ate turkey burgers back then or we would have had them too. Even though we grew tired of a week of turkey, everyone looked forward to having another feast at Christmas. Thankfully this meal was at another family member’s home, so we were spared the endless days of leftovers.

This Thanksgiving it’s appropriate to reminisce about those who helped make this holiday a bounty of delicious food for us to enjoy year-after-year, and be thankful for all the other things they did to make our childhood days worth remembering.

Why we need a friend from the Greatest Generation

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 02:04:33 +0000

Fortunately, I have a 94 year old friend who is much like a surrogate father to me. Our relationship started while my dad was still alive. We became closer when dad passed on 5 years ago and have remained that way ever since. It’s a blessing to have an older person in your life to learn from and gain prospective about today’s world based on the experience they have by going through difficult times in the past. And, the beauty of it all is they don’t expect a thing in return.

My friend was a neighbor when we met. We got to know each other by working on a community project together. To discuss the work, we had lunch several times and soon discovered we had plenty more to talk about than the project at hand. He had been the founder and manager of several businesses. His experiences as a youth, then struggling through the Great Depression and serving in WWII before finally getting the opportunity to succeed in the recovery period in the late ‘40s and early ‘50s helped make him a man I admired – much like my father only in a different way.

His stories were enlightening and often funny. But there was always something to learn from the memories he shared. The way he sacrificed to pursue his dreams. The manner in which business relationships were built and sustained. And the things he wished he had done differently where all laid out on the table for discussion. It was obvious that he was smart; but more important he was, and still is, honest. This meant I could question decisions he made without fear of upsetting him or not getting a straight answer.

What a refreshing change of pace he is from the guarded, uptight ways of many modern business people. Through our relationship, I learned how to enjoy retirement and seek out something meaningful to do with my God-given talents. That’s what brought me to become an advocate for those 65+, start my blog and later found the online magazine, NewSeniors.com. At the same time, I was able to help him through the decision process of moving to assisted living. And, recently, we talked about him giving up driving. He already stopped driving at night but fears this next step would substantially restrict his freedom. So I related how my father did it. This seemed to help.

Mentoring each other seems natural as we grow older. There’s nothing to prove. No control issues. And no financial considerations. Just open, one-on-one discussions about whatever is on our minds. The results are wonderfully therapeutic and amazingly helpful. So I suggest all New Seniors be open to this kind of relationship. There are many people from the Greatest Generation who would welcome the opportunity to have us as friends.

There are people at your church or temple, senior centers, study groups, community organizations and anywhere people volunteer to help others. Maybe the most significant help you can give is to be available for the folks from the generation that give us so much. They won’t be with us forever, but the time you spend together will create memories that last forever.

Reconnecting with family and friends

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 01:39:47 +0000

Many from my generation, the pre-boomers who are now known as New Seniors, were the first in to venture away from home in our early adult lives. We were born in the Great Depression or during WWII, so starting life during this extended period of uncertainty may have influenced us to look outside our communities as we began our careers. Those who did, like me, may find themselves trying to reconnect with family and friends in order to close some doors and open others as we move to the next phase of the great continuum of life.

A basic human need to reconnect may have been what prompted my decision to head to the east coast to visit with old friends and some family members, many of whom had not been seen in years – 15, 30 and more, as a matter of fact. The result was personally gratifying, I believe, for everyone involved. Seeing how people evolved, handled the ups and downs of life, being able to laugh and cry about the past while sharing our hopes and dreams for the future caused me to wonder why it took so long to get back together.

Maybe we were never truly separated except by geography; because upon arrival, we were able to jump right into what seemed like the continuation of a conversation that had been on pause for an undetermined period of time. And, I quickly realized that had we continued to miss opportunities to get together, we would miss the joy of the history we shared – one where all good things seemed even better. A new honesty and exciting freshness develops when people focus on the lives of others, which after years apart takes on a different kind of importance, and allows us to return to the pleasantness of the past without dwelling there.

But all vacations must come to and end. When the visits were over , we all promised to stay in touch in the months and years ahead. I hope we do, because the good times and the good feeling are too important to let slip away and become hazy memories. In fact, the joys of reconnecting have prompted me to reach out to others, who I have also neglected to seek out, and contact them. The physical act of calling or emailing them has had a positive effect on me.

As a result of these efforts, I’ve received one phone call back and email from another. So the renewed communications is already producing results. I also mentioned the trip and my reconnection efforts to several close friends and family members. They thought it was a good idea and plan to do the same. I’m trust they experience similar results.

Wouldn’t it be great if each of us just connected with one person from the past each week and opened the lines of communications once more. It only takes a couple of minutes, and the payoff for both of you is priceless. You might even be as lucky as I was; because me cousin, who now lives in Virginia Beach, just sent me the recipe for the best tasting crab cakes, ever. I know, since she made them when I was on my recent trip back east.

What is the most important thing to consider when it comes to retirement living?

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:50:45 +0000

Maybe it’s me, but a friend, who is also a pre-boomer, told me he is moving into a retirement facility later this year. I could not determine if he was pleased or simply resigned to it. This man is younger than I am, so it got me to thinking about this as an option down the road. Probably many of us at the farther end of the generation born between 1930 and 1945 have thought about this possibility, so let’s explore it.

When I was able to finally convince my parents to give up the house outside Philadelphia and move to Los Angeles, it was a big deal for them. Both were in the mid-eighties and had lived on the east coast all their lives. Even after down-sizing to a smaller home, they were reluctant to leave the few friends who were still living, the neighborhood where they felt comfortable and the church in which they were active.

Of course, time was taking its toll. Dad had a couple of major heart operations and mom had arthritis and an increasingly difficult case of osteoporosis. So, when I showed them the brochures from several places that met their requirements and pointed out that they could see their grandchildren and great grandchildren on a regular basis, both decided to consider the idea. Within a few months, they signed up to live in a lovely independent living facility, one with assisted living and skilled nursing as well, and only a few miles from my house. My folks sold their home, sold the car (which was hard for dad) and had a huge garage sale before the movers packed them up and brought their remaining belongings to the golden state for them to spend their golden years.

Fortunately, they made friends quickly and became active in their new community. Mom loved not having to prepare meals or do housework. Dad got used to not driving and was fine with not doing handy-work any longer. I got to spend time with them and so did my kids and grandchildren. Doctors came to the facility or transportation was provided for appointments with specialists. Two years after moving in mom fell and broke her hip, shortly thereafter dad had a similar experience. After both had surgery, they ended up sharing a room in a skilled nursing facility but would never go back to independent living.

They moved into assisted living and spent the last two years of their lives there, interrupted by with many stays in the hospital. It was sad to see them deteriorate as they aged, but at least we spent lots of time together. As an only child, I’m grateful for this. Mom died suddenly just two days after reaching her ninetieth birthday, and dad passed on three months later at age ninety-one. That was five years ago. Having them close enough to enjoy visits and outings and being able to celebrate the various milestones together was a blessing for them as well as the entire family.

If it had not been for this retirement community and the care the staff provided, we would have been separated during the last important years. As a New Senior, I’m not sure what I’ll want to do about living arrangements ten or more years from now. My long-term care insurance provides for home or facility care, and the family is all in the LA area, so no matter what I choose to do, they’ll be nearby. To me, that’s the most important thing.

Pre-Boomer women were real pioneers

a NewSeniors contributor — Wed, 12 May 2010 06:57:12 +0000

I don’t think our sisters get the kind of credit they deserve. Most of them didn’t march against the establishment, burn their bras or vocalize about not having the equal rights they deserve. Raised to be ladies, they just went about taking care of what was in front of them whether it was raising a family, pursuing a career, or both. The epitomize the attitude of the “Can-do Generation.”

Yes, pre-boomer women understood responsibility and where able to juggle lots of things at the same time. And unlike today, back in the late’60s and early ‘70s, there were few affordable daycare centers or schools with extended hours where the kids could be parked while mom went to work. So family, friends and neighbors were often called on for help; but, then again, this was an era when others could be depended upon.

During those changing times, we saw civil rights, feminine rights and human rights – with its anti-war message – converge in a synergistic and unprecedented manner. Our minds were on overload trying to comprehend what was taking place and how these changes would affect our personal lives. But, somehow, you women seemed to understand that life must go on while we guys pondered how we were going to take over the world.

Pre-boomer women handled the equal rights transition with their usual sensibility. And the change has been good for all involved, even though some areas are still being worked on forty years later. The point is, pre-boomers were part of the women’s movement from the get-go, and you made it look so easy. You helped the boomers adjust to adulthood and that’s something the current crop of women could learn. These are our children and grand children, and they need to grow up by waking up to the reality that in life there’s no such thing as a free lunch.

If anyone is capable of carrying the message to the trailing generations, it’s the pre-boomer woman. Each of you has learned just about all of life’s lessons. So, I believe it’s your responsibility to teach others what being a woman is all about. Of course, knowing a little something about the women of my generation, you’ve probably been doing these things all along without making it a big deal. Thanks.

How rich are you?

Don Potter: Editor-in-Chief — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:15:47 +0000

For the past couple of decades, Americans equated being rich with how much stuff they owned and the size of their financial portfolio. With the economic downturn, many of us had to rethink what was important and place our faith in more than the almighty dollar. Because pre-boomers experienced dire times when we were young, we may be able to use life’s lessons to help others walk through the current crisis.

Webster’s dictionary tells us that being rich means having more money or income producing property than is necessary to satisfy ones normal needs. Wealthy connotes grand living. Affluent suggests a continuing increase in riches and a commitment to lavish spending, and opulent is an even greater display of wealth. And the last definition to consider is what many of us pre-boomers would like to be: well-to-do, which implies sufficient prosperity for easy living.

All of the above synonyms have to do with material riches. None suggest mental or spiritual riches. And the other uses of the word rich have to do with abundance of natural resources, something of value, sumptuous food, quality ingredients, deep sounds and intense colors and fragrant perfumes, the mixture of gas to air in a carburetor, as well as very amusing or absurd humor. Of course, the antonym for rich is poor. This leaves a great deal of gray area between the two extremes. In financial terms it’s the middle class, in mental attitude it may mean feeling okay, but in spiritual terms there is no in-between: you’re either rich or poor.

To me, the spiritual condition is a gift from which a positive attitude is developed and material success begins. This is not suggesting a religious affiliation is the answer, although this might help, rather it is the realization that true happiness and abundance cannot be bought. When this is properly internalized it is manifested externally. Look at all the people of the pre-boomer generation have been through over the past 65 to almost 80 years. Now look at your own life. Pretty impressive overall, wouldn’t you say?

So, if it’s not the money that makes life worthwhile, how do you explain this to those younger than we are? This is not easy; they’ve been conditioned, by us and others, to judge success by how much money they make. Now we have an obligation to pass on whatever little pearls of wisdom we picked up along the way in order to help them face life on life’s terms, because after the economy fires up again – it always has and it always will – they are going to be raising a family, working, trying to save for the future, and caught up in the rush of daily living.

If you just share with them some of the riches you amassed over the years, things like: caring, understanding, patience, helpfulness, acceptance, gratefulness, and trust in things to come; they’ll be richer for it and you’ll be richer for having done it. That’s the kind of wealth no one can ever take away.